i've died and cut my hair again :)
I think it looks nice. in other notes not too much is going on. i was sick today, and didn't really go to either job. i feel like crap.
I'm going back to bed

Mamma Cat
She got attacked by a dog and didn't make it :(
I really liked that kitty from work. I'm trying to fire a plaque for her. she was a good kitty.

On other notes. Not tooo much happened today, just work and more work. Now i'm home and i bought the wrong kind of clay and already opened it :( so now i've got to figure out what to do with it. Maybe the potter next door can use it.

Pepper get's the works
I went to work and called Mr NA to see what time he could bring pepper in. I told him it's his cat and he needs to take care of her. from what i hear pepper got so ticked she tried to bit the doctor, he used the pull stick to give her the injections to knock her out. i don't know if Mr NA was comfortable with that. you see he was by himself. i HATE touching that cat. anyways she was out, dr g got blood, vaccines, x-rays, and a bath. poor pepper
On another note. i think i'm going to quit job #2... i have to get one more paycheck to figure that out.

Dr Honeydew
So a client comes in with a serious problem (the dog doesn't have enough blood) dr. g.'s seen it before and thought it was under control. it wasn't. so dr honeydew says well lets just give it some Tums and albone (anti-diarrheic) and send it home. i say "that's not right" and that we should keep the dog. So we kept it and later that day he goes to lunch. i call the REAL Doctor, and say this just isn't right. he comes back to work says "we need to do a transfusion" calls the client and an "i'll be back later" and leaves. Now WTF! i shouldn't been saying that something is and isn’t right. i hate this fucking doctor, don't respect him, and i should have to tell him what and what not to do. Fucker! "Oh just give it some Tums" He says... some Tums is this guy serious. i mean maybe 50 years ago that would've worked, but now we have tests and meds that we can give the patient. What an IDIOT! I haven't been doing this for very long and really i shouldn't be making that kind of decision.

So yesterday i was talking with some folks at work about petafiles . How old does the younger one have to be to be considered tooo young? or does it just depend on the age difference between older one and the younger one. i understand that 20 and 16 really aren't that far way but what about 30 and 16? And at what age do you stop calling "robbing the cradle " and start calling it petafilies? 30 and 12, 10, 7 etc? and where is the perverse person that think that young is ok?
i think it all about power. People like to think that they are needed a 14 year old can't really take care of themselves. But if it was a man that young i think the cut off is what 15...16? Females grow up a lot more between 14-18 i sure did. Where as men they are who they are at 14 until they are like 30 (if they stay single)
In other news i'm up and ready to start the day. except for the fact that this day will consist of dr. honeydew all day (the relief dr for FH)

The cat - The Bird - The Dog
One of the cats brought/killed a bird and put it on the front porch. I really just can't touch birds (not even live ones) so i left it and maybe Mr Na would get it later. i let the dog out to go pee around bed time, i had to get on a robe just too take him out. He does his thing and then runs to come inside he grabs the bird and wont let it go. i just looked at it and started dry-heaving. I called Mr NA to come and get the bird but he just kept telling the dog to drop it. he doesn't of course but the treats seemed to work alright.
i guess he is a bird dog, but still it was already dead.
I got home with the dog from work and the bird is still there in the grass. i tried picking it up with the bag, but the dead texture was gross and i had to drop it.

Last night
Mr NA was on the spare bed with me and there was an awkwardness... like when you first want to kiss someone, but don't. it was nice is that off feeling.
I got up late this morning and then went to see the drum circle at the park. The crowds have dwindled from what i remember but it was still fun. we walked around, talked a bit, snuggled and watched volleyball. like old times. i hope this means things are on the mend.

i get paid and i buy shoes

I just bought a new pair of shoes 5 months ago. and that pair has holes in the side of them, holes in the bottom, and no longer really have any support. so i threw them away and got the same shoe only newer. YEAH!

Work was SLOW today. I did, however, make a training sheet for the reception area, and fixed the one for the technician. we have 2 new people starting so i thought it was timing for a training sheet.

Thursday bitch, amanda, got fired from work. and there was much rejoicing.

Between both jobs i made $750 which i still shit because at my old job i wouldn't have to work half has much to get much more. I work my ass off everyday. God Damn.

i slept in this morning it was nice :) i'm tired now which is the only problem.
i have to work at job #2 today until later this evening. i really don't think i like working there.
last night i got spat at by a very hot chili it got in my eye and it really hurt, today it's only a little swollen but it felt like my eye was going to get ripped out of my head.
yesterday ryan got "john doe" (the new stray) and i thought he was hungry and he got out and scratched ryan. i feel REALLY bad about him getting hurt. i think i felt worse about that then ryan did about 'the kiss'. oh well.
alright i'm off to work.

Grooming
today i took the dog to be groomed. he looks wonderful. i got him in the car and he took a shit... in the car. WTF!
in other notes: work is going wonderfully. i love it :)
i get to sleep in tomorrow which i always a nice change.

I deleted a comment - this comment was sent anonymously - it appeared as though it was written by Mr NA, or a copy of what he had said. Something along the lines of he is attracted to other girls and not me, and that i am jealous of people for no good reason. and that all i want is sex.
and i must say in return ... well nothing to the first part, it makes me feel like shit. always has. as far as jealousy, i have all reason and all right to be jealous. i honestly am NOT jealous of crystal (she was the kissed one) i am upset that he would do that in front of my face. and i'm upset that he is that inconsiderate of my feelings. i have been humiilated in front of all his friends and he just laughs about it.
as far as the underage one, well it bothers me that he would be attracted to someone soooo much younger than him, and the only reason why that is the case is because he wants someone that doesn't understand where the line of bullshit stops and the line of intimacy begins. i'm sure she thinks that Mr NA just loves her. and you know what he just might. but once she'd old enough to figure it out is when she will leave him again.
as far as sex i really didn't want sex yesterday. FUCK! i think he mistakes sex for kissing/making out. i don't really want sex anymore. i just want to feel appreciated. i think it's unhealthy not want sex from your partner. (but want sex from a no-one, one night stand)

how i feel at this moment is:
1- greatful to the person who sent this
2- i REALLY don't like to be humiliated
3- i need to ask MR NA if he really wants to try for a relationship. if he says no he needs to leave. because i want the home that should be involved in this house.

large party
last night we had a fun party. i have a good time. Mr NA kept himself in line (which was nice of him), except once with crystal than for the rest of the night i assumed he would do the same to others. that made me un easy. i have NEVER in this marriage kissed anyone else. and Mr NA seems to do this everytime he gets drunk. There are things to leave out of this night, and things that i'm sure would make anyone laugh. We've only had 2 parties with people under the age limit preset and both times things have gone terribly wrong. There is a few rules in this house and that should come back to being one of them.

the bubble wrap idea seemed to not work so well.
I think that MR NA has no real feelings for me. He'll snuggle with me once in a while (to make me happy) but as far as intamate touching or kissing, there is none. He says it's because he's thinks that home is a bad place. but how could he think that. i have done everything i can think of to make this a happy home. i guess i have failed. it's been a month w/o intamate kissing. I ask once a night from some making out. Mr NA always says he doesn't want to. WHY THE FUCK NOT? The ses is nice but not enough few and far between to get me off. I can try and not take any initiative but that never works it just makes me more depressed. one day i wish Mr NA would would start things in the bedroom department. i'm sure you all know what i mean... just once... and some time soon.... please.

i have a suprise in the works for MR NA. hopefully i can pick up what i need to today.

Your Birthdate: January 19

Your birth on the 19th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life path. But at the same time, it poses a number of obstacles to overcome before you are able to be as independent as you would like. The number 1 energy suggests more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated. A birthday on the 19th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. However, a somewhat self-centered approach to life that may be in conflict with some of the other influences in your life. This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush. You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed. You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations. You do not tend to follow convention or take advice very well. Consequently, you tend to learn through experience; sometimes hard experiences. The 19/1 is a loner number and you may experience feelings of being alone even if you are married. You may take on a tendency to be nervous and angry.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

DAY OF HELL
today did not work out as well as planned.
for 1 (and i will start with this) i am on the rag :(
2- the bitch at work called in sick yet again so i had to work with one of the kennel guys all morning. he smelled bad
3- today is the first day that i worked full time and job #1 then had to go straight to job #2. usually i can sit and watch tv etc. stupid me i brought the dog to work, was late leaving work, had to run him home, grab something to eat and be to job #2 in 15 minutes. it was crazy
4- by the time i had gotten to job #2 i was disoriented. i hadn't worked there for 10 days and most of the time it makes me confused to switch from one job to the next.
5- i get home to Mr NA being a jerk (probably because he's sick)
6- i get in the shower and toward the end of it the water turns cold
7- i went to my dad's to watch a movie and didn't have enough time to see the end.

Today has been a hard day and i really just would like Mr. NA to snuggle. but you know him, this never really happens. so i'm off to bed.

Mr NA was in denver yesterday. i cleaned and went to work. first i took the ferrets to the vet. they had ear mites poor babies. Anyways i didn't really do too much.
Mr NA came home EARlY this morning. and i'm tired. i don't really sleep well while he's gone.
He's sick today, hopefully i don't get it.
i start full time at work tomorrow, i hope it goes well.