i'm tired. tired of the stess. tired of life. tired of not having a job. tired of not having a reason to get up. tired that no one wants to be around me. tired of the god damn tv. tired of the pets. tired of people. tired of crying all the time. so tired that i sleep most of the day... and all of the night. when i sleep i have nightmares. they scare me sometimes. i wish i had a job... a few jobs. then a least my days would be filed with somethings... instead of nothing. even when ryan's home it's nothing. the first thing he does when he gets home is check his email, and gets up set with me for interupting him. do you know what upsets me though? when i ask ryan to come to bed and he tells everyone online that i'm MAKING him go to bed. I don't care, i'm just looking out for him is all. He's the one that gets up early in the morning.
i wish things were different now... but the're not. so tonight i pray again... for a job... for the stress to go away... for happiness.