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really things are funny

Monday, May 09, 2005

I deleted a comment - this comment was sent anonymously - it appeared as though it was written by Mr NA, or a copy of what he had said. Something along the lines of he is attracted to other girls and not me, and that i am jealous of people for no good reason. and that all i want is sex.
and i must say in return ... well nothing to the first part, it makes me feel like shit. always has. as far as jealousy, i have all reason and all right to be jealous. i honestly am NOT jealous of crystal (she was the kissed one) i am upset that he would do that in front of my face. and i'm upset that he is that inconsiderate of my feelings. i have been humiilated in front of all his friends and he just laughs about it.
as far as the underage one, well it bothers me that he would be attracted to someone soooo much younger than him, and the only reason why that is the case is because he wants someone that doesn't understand where the line of bullshit stops and the line of intimacy begins. i'm sure she thinks that Mr NA just loves her. and you know what he just might. but once she'd old enough to figure it out is when she will leave him again.
as far as sex i really didn't want sex yesterday. FUCK! i think he mistakes sex for kissing/making out. i don't really want sex anymore. i just want to feel appreciated. i think it's unhealthy not want sex from your partner. (but want sex from a no-one, one night stand)

how i feel at this moment is:
1- greatful to the person who sent this
2- i REALLY don't like to be humiliated
3- i need to ask MR NA if he really wants to try for a relationship. if he says no he needs to leave. because i want the home that should be involved in this house.


Blogger Delal said...

Here, here sweetie... I think that you have done nothing wrong in this situation, and it is extremely unfair for Mr.NA, or someone acting on his behalf, to send a comment to you along those lines. He doesn't want you joining into his forums, why should he crash on your blog? And why is he not brave enough to tell you this on a personal level...leaving comments such as that would be just as humiliating,as well as being just more cowardly on his part.

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whoever it was it wasn't me and it sounds like a misquote anyway.

as far as what I want, I have no clue. Like I said in therapy, I just want to be happy. If happy doesn't work between us, I'm really sorry. I'm working on it, and the first choice is to try and be happy within the currant situation without changing much.

Re: the kiss. drunken shinanigans. nothing more. sorry. in the full situation it makes more sense to me, but it still bugged you, and I guess it wasn't appropriate.

direct quote of what was said: (cut and pasted from where it was)
"so today steph wanted sex and I just wasn't interested. I'm just plain not interested in her anymore, and I really wish there was something I could do about it, but there's not. It's cruel, and it's unfair to her. It's also unfair to me to basically reduce myself to a whore to her desires, too, though. What the hell do I do about it? It means a lot to her, but it means a lot to me not to have sex be a chore. I find myself attracted to other people sometimes, but just not her, really. Is the magic dead? Is there a way to fix it or do I move on?"

what it means: that it feels bad to me and that I feel regret for not being able to give you what you want, but that it's not quite as simple as just giving in.

in referance: being attracted to others: there was nobody in specific in mind when that was said. Just that occasionally someone will catch my eye as being attractive in passing. (I won't lie, I was looking at girls at area. no mistcheif. just looking)

for the record: if things don't work and you want the house, you're welcome to it as long as you can get it financed out of my name. I won't fight over it or ask for equity compensation, and I won't fight over anything else as long as it seems I'm being treated relatively fairly.

also for the record: this is the first time I've posted ANYTHING to your blog. I don't know who cut and copied or misquoted me. delete this if you want. I don't care.

I care about your feelings, but I've been having a very difficult time for a while now, and I don't know what the fuck to do.
"mr. na."

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