I have been having so bizzare dreams lately. they are all on the same topic but they just keep getting wierder and wierder. it's all sexual in nature, but why would i have so many? and why am i so clingy lately?
I think it might have to do with the fact that i'm unsatified in that department in my marriage, which i'm sure is normal. i think most people don't have enough or have too much.
I think i am unsatisfied with my marriage all together at the moment. one of these days it would be nice to come home to flowers and candles and sex..... but this will NEVER happen!!! ryan is not that kind of guy

I have had 2 songs by the old 97's stuck in my head for the last few weeks. so here they are
Song: Barrier Reef Album: Too Far To Care [" Too Far To Care " CD]
The Empty Bottle was half empty, tide was low, and I was thirsty.Saw her sitting at the bar, you know how some girls are,Always making eyes, well she wasn't making eyes.
So I sidled up beside her, settled down and shouted, "Hi there.""My name's Stewart Ransom Miller, I'm a serial lady-killer."She said, "I'm already dead," that's exactly what she said.
So we tripped the lights fantastic, we was both made of elastic.Midnight came and midnight went, and I though I was the President.
She said, "Do you have a car," and I said, "Do I have a car?"
What's so great about the Barrier Reef?What's so fine about art?What's so good about a Good Times Van,When you're working on a broken,Working on a broken,Working on a broken man?
My heart wasn't in it, not for one single minute.I went through the motions with her. Her on top, and me on liquor.Didn't do no good, well I didn't think it would.
What's so great about the Barrier Reef?What's so fine about art?What's so good about a Good Times Van,When you're working on a broken,Working on a broken,Working on a broken man? When you're working on a broken,Working on a broken,Working on a broken man. When you're working on a broken,Working on a broken,Working on a broken man.

Song: Question Album: Satellite Rides [" Satellite Rides " CD]
She woke from a dream Her head was on fire Why was he so nervous?He took her to the park She crossed her arms And lowered her eyelids
Someday, somebody's gonna ask youA question that you should say "yes" to Once in your life Baby, tonight I've got a question for you
She'd had no ideaAnd started to cry She said "in a good way" He took her by the hand Walked her back home And they took the long way
Someday, somebody's gonna ask youThe question that you should say "yes" to Once in your life Maybe tonight I've got a question for you I've got a question for you...

but what does it all mean folks? and why have they been stuck in my hed for so long

I have been in this funk lately.
i think a lot of it might have to do with the fact that i'm working so much. i'm tired most of the time. ryan seems really happy, but is distant. I think i'm just lonely. this is what my regular day is like. i go to forest hills from 7am - 1pm then go home for a couple of hours then to beans at 4 - 10:30pm by the time i get home ryan is usually up but i ready for bed right away. so i get in the shower then get ready for bed. it takes about an hour to get to sleep. then i wake up and do the same thing the next day. so i'm home enough to feel like i've been really home that day. but i haven't seen ryan enough to feel like i'm in a marriage. i'm just another roommate that just sleeps in the same room as ryan. The few days we are home together ryan usually gets dragged out with nate and carrie and i usually stay at home frustrated or annoyed. i'm trying to make time for me and ryan time it just seems to be hard.

in other news my good friend jenny and sean got a new dog yesterday. he is a super cute pug that is going to be really big and really rollie. they don't have a name picked out yet, but i'm sure they will have by the time i talk to her later today.

also i'm going to get a big reading chair and put it in the bedroom. i also want to get a new dining table and chairs.... but which to get first? i don't really think i have to money to get either right now, but maybe with some more time.

my car passed for another year on state i/m testing :) so maybe just 1 more year with my 17 year old subbie. it's just such a good car.

I am loving having my second job. :)
in other news. i re-potted my plants today and they are all still happy. (hopefully they will stay that way) :)
i'm in a really good mood and jacked up on coffee

Coffee - work - and cranky
Today i've gone to Beans 3 times (so far and it's only 4) been to work twice and i'm cranky.
now i think i keep going to beans because i love it there. my friends that work there and that i can just go back and make my own coffee now. i love working there. it's a fun job that makes my week worth getting up for.
work has sucked because employees are cranky and it's a holiday so there is a bunch of dogs here. it's not soo bad once you get started but it sucks to get here first thing in the morning and it's you and the doctor (i'm very appreciative that he helps out over the holidays most bosses would just tell you to fuck off and work harder) i came up to the office and told him i was cranky, he said 'go home i'll finish' how nice is that. of coarse i said i'll stay everyone at my house is asleep. (because it was 8:30am).
So now i'm jacked up on coffee just trying to get the afternoon to pass by faster. i am getting a lot of work done this way... i'm just in the go go go mood. YUMMMM coffee :)