today i went to the meat market again. it's so much fun i think next time i will try a different kind of meat. I made a dentist apt. today as well. it makes me hyperventalate just going in there.

in other news i'm just doing nothing. working (my hours at both jobs have been cut back a little) and just sitting around. i think i'm going to make cookies tomorrow.

"i've been opening wine the hard way for week" said by my husband as i was opening the wine with the good opener.
- it made me laugh

as far as new things not much else is new. The days the new dr is at job #1 i will be working all day. i need to remember to bring a lunch.
job #2 is bad as usual at least it slowly gets better. Maybe i'll write more tomorrow.

i've kind of had a shitty ass day at work. i'm depressed and want to go out and do something fun. please recommend something.

so me and my husband are networked together. we don't realy talk to each other we are just on the same chat page. it's strange

so there was a new doctor at work today. he's really slow. and seems a little off. but i guess i like him non-the-less. in other news ryan made me get my own Lowerlights account so i am now what i always feared a motamer (? on spelling) please www.lowerlights.com

work was really busy today. i've almost desided that i need to quit the second job. what do you think? honestly the 2nd job is not worth the feeling that i can't do a good job. but i need the money now so i will stay :(

it is pouring, first you must know this. I get in my car after working at both jobs, start my car plugged in the rio and started to drive away, WHOOSH im covered in water i quickly grab my jacket to stop the water. i drive a little farther, stop and start again... whoosh covered one more time. so turn on my hazards pull over and find that my sunroof has a rather large leak in it. i drove 20 min. to get home with a jacket on my head in some of the worst rain i've seen in a while. now i must get in the shower!

gross story for the day.
so a lab couldn't deliver a pup we zonk it out and there's a little puppy foot sticking out so Clytee (the girl doctor) starts pulling on it's foot. Before hand i must tell that when puppies are born they have a soft/thin spot when the umbilical cord was. well at this spot the body rips in half. blood and guts go spewing all over the surgery room. the pup gets sucked back into the uterus. so we do a c-section. the bitch has been in labor to 24 hours and should'ce come in yesterday. now the c-section yields possitive results, and the doctor gave birth to half a puppy. it was dead long before he came the client came in today and the uterus was all infected and gross. the dog went home 2 hours later. This guy is a puppy farmer. i'm suprised he brought her to the office in the first place.

damn ferritos waking me up with escape. this time it was at 6:00 am luckily usually it's at like 4it's just a half hour early, but still fucking early. So i tried to fix it. i guess i will find out when i get home from work.
in other news work should be good i home, it's a dianne day :) i think i will stop and get coffee from beans.
i think it's gong to be thei'm bored day.. OH noOOOO!

so i had a nick name when i was younger that my family used to call me. it was goosh. why this nick name i don't know it just was. I randomly want to use it but never do. i hated it for a long time. for some reason i really like it now. i will never understand that.

i can finally see why people have affairs. because marriage really is boring and predictable. i want something out of the ordinary.. maybe coffee with a friend or getting out and going some where. anywhere. my aunt jana wants me to go with her to california, i probably wont but atleast then it would be different. i think i'm going to go to liberty park or some park tomorrow after work. The problem is i can't think of anyone to go with me... does anyone want to come with me? maybe i want to go to the downtown library... any takers there? no... maybe i'll just stay home. i don't want to. so please say someone will come with me.

so why is it that the one time i complain to a person that i'm sextually frustrated is when i wake up to the husband just wanting sex... no love just sex? this really does bother me... because last night i was just bitching that i just wanted good tender kisses.

So it's my dad is most gay. it's his birthday today and well it just shows in most things he does. Ah well. i still respect him just the same. My aunt Jana has this very excentric boyfriend how always talks about how he used to follow the DDT trucks when he was a little kid. so that's why he's all fucked up. no he's so fucked up because he did WAY to many drugs. Just admit it! i know we've all taken drugs, and we just assume that everyone else has.

Today i had a chocolatie donut... (strick 1)
i've seen dog spays every day, the 2 we had today didn't go to well. The dogs didn't die or anything. it was just slow! which made most of the day go slow.
i think i'm going to go couch shopping any ideas on what to get. any suggestions (smiliesteph@hotmail.com) I'm thinking a couch and a love seat, but maybe a couch and a big chair. i don't know yet

when you start to look back on the last few years of blogging you think...
1. where the fuck has the time gone?
2. where are these people that i used to talk of all the time
3. what has happened to my life
4. when did i become sooo upset
5. who really cares what i write and when i write it. i'm the only one who looks back through the years.
i write because it's part of what i'm thinking. sometimes only because i'm upset... others because i'm happy.
when i worked for my dad i would post all the time. now it's slim to none... except when i'm bord (like tonight and i'm sure many nights to follow) or when my husband doesn't want the sex (that happens more now than it ever used to)
still i can't help thinking what it would be like not to have gone through those years and lived through the life that has lead me here.

i have probably had 5 days straight of an oral fixation and i can't for the life of me get my husband to pay attention to me. I really am ready to just have at it with a total stranger.... i promise. it's 10:30 now should be the time to fulfill this...damn it

Went to a house call today at work and i would have to say for putting there dog down they seemed to be happy about it. Maybe they were just happy for the dog, out or her suffering. i say they should do that with people. There is all sorts of things humans should do that they do to their pets. For instance if a dog bites a child it gets put down, but if a 3 year old child stabs a dog (this really happened at work last week actually) then the kid just gets to go home. i will never understand humanity.
Diet going well. So far only coffee against me.

i'm 23. Married. i own my home. I have one job i like (the other job not so much). i like my boss. my style of living. how much money i have. i all in all would have to say that compared to what others have... i have a good life. I just have to question the world sometimes. And it seems as though the only time i blog is when i'm questioning what i have chosen. And what i have chosen should be good enough for me. i'm going to get up off of this fucking computer, turn off the fucking tv and start folding laudry... why laudry you may ask... it's because that's what i have to do to make it so i can do other things. i will be blogging more often... i'm going on a diet... a greatly needed diet... i will probably not have a much good things to say.. just too fat here... to fat there. I know it's coming so i though i would let you know. Maybe i'll starting saying aloud how much i weight... i'm sure no one wants to know that though. :)

Where do you decide when it's Love... and when you've just gotten used to something?
This question has crossed my mind many time since i've been married and i have no answer for it. may it's because one day you are fully engorged with the one you are with, and other times it's just you have nothing else to think about except your relationship. I wouldn't say i'm not happy because i really am but when is the line drawn? Where do you say that you are happy... and not that you are happy with your routine? Why is one day different then the next? do i just have a little more time on my hands today then i will yesterday? or maybe i've just been watching too many movies? who said that love has to be like it is in the movies? what is REAL good for you love? and why the fuck do i have some many questions on the subject... hell i should be happy my husband is wonderful! There are atleast 2 women i know of that would love to have my husband. For those that know me... you know who they are. i really hate that my husband gets the i like to flirt with you eyes. i get them with other men as well, but i just don't like that my husband gets them from his friends. Perhaps this is why i don't like him out with his friends very often.... now that is something to think of. I think i need to understand it's just flirting, but does flirting lead to more? I mean i've flirted Many times with one of ryan's friends but i would doubt i would ever want to have the sex with him, maybe date... but not sex. Maybe that's what ryan thinks of me. hmmm date but not sex... There, my friends, is the line.