On the Near East Test i got a B.. you would think it was B day. concidering that most people in that class got below 60% i think i did well. As far i'm concerned it might be a B semester.

I have to go to the doctor on Monday...l i'll let you guys know how it goes.

I'm going on this, diet... well i wouldn't call it a diet persay, for what if i fail.... just a change in eating habbits. Maybe it will work. I got a strange sandwich from Subway... my dad walked into my office and asked if i was pregnant... because i DON'T eat that kind of food. I said no just in a different mood. It was funny. (FYI i'm not pregnant... if you were wondering)

I got a B..... a B :) on the test i thought i failed. I laughed after leaving that class.... all the way to my car.

Oh yeah and yesterday I took apart the helicopter and made a digging truck

So i was wiered out most of the day about ryan's stepdad (Dan) but that's okay.

I have school here in a couple of days. Honestly i haven't done ANY studying the whole month. I have a midterm to do and a whole book to read here in the nect 2 or 3 days. I'm scared

I just found out the funniest thing.... The postman here at work is Ryan's step dad. i guess he's been coming here since jan 2000 and i gues we just never crossed each other paths. I was shocked man... just shocked

So there was A riot. Atleast it gave reason for the police to finally take action on something. Teehee

Last night ryan went to a bar with his friends. With my 6 hours alone i built a helicopter. what kind of wierdo sits watches Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion and builds a helicopter out of erector sets. Honestly it was REALLY run. Than when i got up to go to the bathroom i noticed that the door was unlocked. but i specifically remember locking it right after ryan left. So i was scared. i sat it bed with a 10 inch blade next to me until he came home at about 2:15 ish. i couldn't sleep. i left all the lights on and the tv up so it seemed like more people were there... i guess i was just freaked out.

So i come into work for the past 2 day early, not really early just on time. No one else is here and for some reason i hear rustling going on in the back room. i Go back and for some reason hear children playing down the hall way. I go down there scared as fuck, and there is nothing there. Nothing has been moved from where it was the night before... nothing changed. i usually don't believe in the supernatural, but i REALLY don't know in this situation. For when i sit down again i can hear it, it's just laughing (like they are playing on swings or something) and just happy little kids. Strange eh?

4 people have been concerned enough to write me emails... wondering if anythings wrong. Usually i push them off like 'i'm fine' or 'just stressed'. And since one email this morning got me thinking 'what is wrong with me' I'm not really my self that's for sure... but the thing here is that i haven't really turned into someone else. What's wrong with me is the STRESS. It's cased things for me to be concerned with. i'm stressed about what i want to do with my life, that i don't really make enough money to survive, my relationships with my friends... and most importantly my relationship with my lover... The person that i actually am in love with. By using the LOVE FORMULA (gotten off of a movie THE CREATOR) you take how many time you think about this person a day... and than how many times you think about yourself. Subtract how many times you think about yourself, by the other persons and if you wind up in the negatives you are in love. I honestly have no idea why i just wrote that...

the frost covered the ground this morning. It was as if fog had rolled in earlier this morning/ last evening. I think it was from all the rain we had yesterday.
Yesterday i think that i decided i NEEDED to move out of my house, yet you know i won't because i want to live with ryan. Why is that i don't know... i just want to lie with him.. there is no point in getting a place of my own because i'm always at ryan's so it would be a waist of money. Why is it that lately all i'm thinking about is money?

So i went to the dentist today... and spent most of the day at my house. When all of a sudden my brother pat went into my room stole a decorating candle (it has not smell and is it's own set) and i was just pissed off. Started crying for some reason and went for a drive. Well this drive took me to almost prove... to Utah lake. Where i saw a half frozen lake, a river with ducks on it, seagals (meaning the ground is warming), cows (usually don't see cows in the city), horses, and even a hay farm with a REALLY tall shed holding the hay and a big tall metal round thingy. It made me think that i wasn't even in salt lake... which made me kind of feel like i was having a vacation. I guess i couldn't go the whole spring break with out any sort of vacation. :)

So it's funny... today is. I was walking down West Temple on my way to work and a horn honks... stops up the street and rolls down the window screams rape and pulls away. The car laters turns around down the street and it was my brother-in-law teehee.

I have an shit job to do today... data entry garbage. which well most likely take all day.

As far as cd's go. Well i have better than ezra and Train and some starsailor... but i just don't know which to choose. :)

I'm sitting here thinking about if I REALLY want to do my homework. Why is it that i procrastinate so much? Ryan's over there playing PS2 and i am thinking about school. Why is that? Maybe it's because i feel in a smart mood. Maybe it's because i think that i have to/ need to. Maybe it's just because i feel guilty... probably all of the above.

My dad just walked into my office and started yelling at me. I don't think he gets it that as of lately my feelings are getting more and more hurt REALLY fast. Now i'm sitting in my office with the door shut and my head phones on. The funny thing is that people are just walking in and not nocking because i wouldn't answer anyway. So i listen to Barenaked ladies to make me fell better. Does anyone else know of music that you can just throw in and be happy? email (smiliesteph@hotmail.com)

Valentines day was a cute day. We went to Ruby Rivers which actually had some of the best steak that i have had in Salt Lake. Ryan bought me some flowers on the street (so need less to say they died in about 2 days) As for the rest of the weekend was just one of those relaxing weekends. a whole lot of nothing happened. I did piss off my family by not going to my sisters baby shower... but i had no moneys i wish they could understand. On the brighter side with my gift card that pat got me for my birthday I got CMJ New music magazine :) with some strange songs but if anything so far i would pick up Yesterdays New Quintet It's kind of Jazzy i think i will download some songs to see what they are like. Also I picked up Magnet yet another magazine most of it is indie alternative which is just GREAT. It's some new music.. or at least reviews of new music. Hopefully 2002 wont be a flop for music, similar to last year. But i guess there were some good bands that came out last year like Pete Yorn and David Garza. Teehee

I'm kind of excited to have school start up again... it's driving me crazy not to have it for so long. UGH!

Song: House Hold Name Band: Ben Lee Album: Something to remember me by

okay i'm doing this whole song... it pretty funny. this is for all those that grew up in the 80's :)
michasel j fox was a household nam in 1985 and what about young mallory and all of the family ties? I hear they all robbed liquor stores and are in jail now for life kirk cameron had growning pains sex symbol of the year problem solved so squeaky clean in half an hour clear I hear he's been washing dishes from the last couple of years laughter tracks and 80's stars prdictable jokes I don't have to tell you what happened to the kids from different strokes punky brewster's 15 minutes lasted for year before it got old you're never quite so cute and I should know once puberty takes its toll and no one knows their where abouts what they do or what they did chew them up and spit them out like all of the cosby kid's it's the toughest game and the hardest time it's the longest walk on the thinnest line it's sad and true that we love then kill where do they go when they die? to the big 80's sitcom in the sky

So i went tanning yesterday. Need less to say i'm sun burned, the sad thing here is that i like it! But being burned for valentines day is going to suck (if you catch my drift... hint hint wink wink) The reason why i went is because winter makes me depressed. and i NEEDED sun. That and i've been stressed out resently so i took the night in the bath. I bought Ryan's present though. a coffee bean grinder and REALLY GOOD beans, and a foam dart gun with extra bullets... he's going to get his ass kicked by these little foam sticky bullets once he opens it.

So i think i'm back to my same old blogging, which is wonderful. For some reason i can't write with people looking over my shoulder or being in a hurry. If anyone knows what i'm talking about email... (smiliesteph@hotmail.com)

Song: Secret Rarden Band: Bruce Springsteen Album: Bruce Springsteen Greatest Hits

She'll lead you down a path There'll be tenderness in the air She'll let you come just far enough So you know sh's really there She'll look at you and smile And hereyes will say Sh'e got a secret garden Where everything you want Where everything you ned Will always stay A million miles away

The boss is slick. For all those that don't like Mr. Springsteen... well damn you damn you to hell.

In other news Ryan was on the Today show this morning... teehee.

Song: Ansering Bell Band: Ryan adams Album: Gold
so this song has Adam Duritz from counting crows.
'The names are chnaged but the constellations are still falling....
Let your tears fall and touch my skin thean your thunderclouds could rage and wail I will collect them all for you in butterfly jars'

Today is deffinately a Ryan Adams day

Anyways I watched the sun rise on TRAX this morning. it was beautiful. It started orange, the orange that you could look at and your eyes not go funny. Then turned to a clear yellow. It made the sky excited. The colors changed instantly. it was beautiful.

I need to think of something to get Ryan for valentines day. i know what he's expecting and well it would be nice to atleast give him that much. (the funny thing is that everyone here knows what that ONE thing is... teehee)

I played bus driver to Ryan today. It was interesting, but i like spending time with him so it's worth it. Have you ever wondered why people are crazy. i mean not all people are this way... just those that live in Utah. They are crazy. i wish i could explain it. Maybe one of these days i'll move (as i'm thinking in my head yeah that will happen *sacasum*)

And for some reason i am marriage happy. I'm excited to get married and i just want to get to that stage. The sad thing here is that what if he were to die, i mean i do have a bad turn over with men (they either die, go crazy, or just become a social out cast) Hopefully nothing will happen to him.

went to the gallavin center and started ice-skating... i think soon after the masses came and joined us. The thing here is that the ice skating rink is in the middle of beer gardens. it was actually fun. My dad and ryan and my aunt jana and her boyfriend dave and her son chris went with us... it was great times.

So it's been busy for a while. For one thing yesterday my car had a ticket on it... a ticket. The thing here it was so bull shit law that has never been enforced force.. asses. So most of yesterday was taking TRAX and the bus.
I've ran into a lot of people lately... it's been strange i think the olympics is drawing more and more people into down town salt lake.

Song: Billy Band: Nik Kershaw Album: 15 minutes
The song is about how you put on faces for your 'other' and how eventually you want everything and don't really want to settle for the person that you have. But they do anyways... it's cute.. in that funy relationship way
'sally want's a proud man but she's taken all his pride....
Billy is a new man at least when she's around. a modle father or if needed he'll be mother for a day....
Billy wants a good girl, and a bad girl, and blond girl or a brunett or a bond girl... a lover mother babysitter. a Young girl with a pretty face and smart but not too smart to love an Asshole yes an asshole because he wants to be an asshole'

so i feel strange. I had a dream last night about James.... James of all people. It's strange the things i dream about. I think it's because i don't really get frustrated and than when i got to sleep... that's how it all gets vented. I still have his movie though... i DO need to give that back

There is so much smog here. It's crazy.... but on the happy side it's supposed to snow again on Monday (most people are saying just in time, but i'm saying that it's retarded because than we will have NEW people not knowing how to drive in snow)

Today I am listening to REM Album: Up. It's pretty good actually. I thought yesterday that i should down load some of there older albums... hmmm maybe that's what i'll do at work today... teehee

geeze i haven't blogged in a while.. sorry folks. i've been going to work with Ryan in order to make it so that we could go on vacation, where i don't know. But it's out of Salt Lake for a few days which would be wonderful.

life is boring with out school, just thought i'd make a statement.

Have you ever been hesitent to write something because you know what might get out? I guess this is were i am now. You would think that i could write anything, but i don't really feel like it's my own little place. It seems as though it's others to roam around in. When i've dated people in the past they seemed to get much publicity, there was lots of things to complain about and lots more to just vent frustration. But it seems as though i don't really have much frustrations in the boyfriend department. Which i guess is good... just gives me less to talk about.

yet another mid term went by... damn i suck! I think if anything i failed... i failed... DAMN! Well i'll find out in about a month after this stupid olympic thing is over... ARG!
it's friday, and i don't have school tomorrow. I think i will go in and help ryan get some of his work done though. maybe that will be the best idea. Other than that nothing's really going on. I got my car stuck on this big ass patch of ice and had to wake ryan up.. now he's all grumpy and is being a poo head. but hell i love him anyways.