what happened to vows?
so there's this vow i took a couple of years ago. you know 'for richer or poorer 'till death to us part' where did these go? and when did my husband stop believing in them. and when where they thrown away so easily? i just don't understand where love and compation really anything. I hate this. i'm sad

The kennel
So today one of the kennel guys decided he didn't need to stay at work. so i was out cleaning the kennel with all the big dogs when i have an idea... 'why don't i clean the kennel everyday?' this would make it so i wouldn't have to talk to anyone, really have any had decisions to make and all and all have a rather unfulfilling day at work. well i kind of answered my own question because i actually like being in a high stress environment. There's just something about it that i like. than i realized that maybe i like hi-stress things in other places and relationships. I don't really like it but maybe i just bring it on.

Not Topic Today Sorry Folks
Last night i went to bed at 8:15 and didn't wake back up until 6:45 this morning. I realized that i was VERY tired from Lagoon. Most of the day i wished i was home to sleep and play with my games, but when i got home i did the usual got the mail and watched tv. I did, however get to listen to my new CMJ Magazine (which sucks some serious balls btw) and reading some new Harry Potter rather than sleeping or playing games. Silly me. Mr NA and i went to the Panda (not the panda express that places sucks, the panda panda) which for some reason wasn't quite right. I almost always get the same thing just in different amounts. Today I did put lobster sauce in it so maybe that was the difference.
In other news, okay i have no other news. I do, like always, wish Mr NA would spend more romance time with me (any at all would be nice) But that subject makes me sad so i'm getting off of it.
Back to reading and maybe playing games.

Lagoon
Today Mr NA and I went to Lagoon. I was actually fun, I really didn't think i would be, but it was. Mr NA's friend Kaliecia got upi cheaper tickets so i wasn't TOOO expensive. HomerJ backed out at the last minute. I think it would've been funner with more people there. I'm burned all down my legs from Lagoon-a-beach, and even on my feet (I hate it, the top of the feet is always the worst place to be).
In other news i'm still loving my laptop. :)
I have to go to work with Dr Honeydew tomorrow. Hopefully it won't be too bad. It should run pretty quick as long as i don't get too annoyed.

I'm off to get some pizza maybe i'll write more later :)

New Toys
So I wanted to be online while Mr NA was online and it really just wasn't going well because the backroom computer got broken somehow. So rather than just spending $200 make the computer work we spent $700 and just got the laptop I wanted :) I like laptops. The truth is that i don't like to be forced to stay in the same room on the same chair. now that i have a laptop i think i will be online more often. I don't really know if thats good or bad.

We are supposed to go to Lagoon tomorrow, but i don't know if it's going to be a good use of monies now that we just blown a bunch on a great gift for me. Hehehe.

now i wont be getting any more presents. :( I like presents. I'm happy that i've finally got something that can be mobile.
In other news i've been reading more and involving Mr NA less. I hope he noticed. I'm sure he doesn't. I have started to say when he bothers me that i'm lonely, because i realy am and that's why i need his attention in the first place. Atleast i've finally figured this out.

Wedding Shower
I hate these things. it's for my brother-in-law's bride to be. awkward as all fuck. riding up to clearfield with ryan's mom bitching about her role in the wedding things. Now this you must understand rossi's wedding will not be very interesting, fun, or exciting. i'm happy for him, not happy to go to his wedding. everything is just REALLY awkward and everyone is in everyone else's business. for those that speak to me on a regularly i have no business i want to share.

ANYWAY!
I had an awful day at work. Mr NA is not home (luckily because i think i would rip into him). I'm grumpy again and am thinking of drinking a bunch.

i'm hungry as well which is making this all worse.

The Cowboy Bar
Friday night Bobbi, Crystal, and some of bobbi's friends, and i went to this whole in the wall cowboy bar on 3700 s and State. I played pool, got really drunk, and got to sit and listen to really bad music. I had a really good time and realized i should do this more often. not really going to the bar, but hanging out with someone else other than ryan. It just makes me miss my freedom, and wondering more why i got married in the first place.

The Cowboy Bar
Friday night Bobbi, Crystal, and some of bobbi's friends, and i went to this whole in the wall cowboy bar on 3700 s and State. I played pool, got really drunk, and got to sit and listen to really bad music. I had a really good time and realized i should do this more often. not really going to the bar, but hanging out with someone else other than ryan. It just makes me miss my freedom, and wondering more why i got married in the first place.

tired
I took this big long nap yesterday so i didn't go to bed until late. now i've been up since about 6 this morning and i'm sleep. I got a lot of things done at work today while dr honeydew was there :) Last week they didn't get much done. i don't really understand why there was things to do they just left it all for me to do on a busy ass friday. anyway (because i'm not "perfect dianne" [quoted from dr g]) i actually had work and get things done today. i'm grumpy and i'm supposed to go to dinner with my dad but he hasn't called!

i'm tired of home stuff, i'm starting to hate work (i'm sure it's linked to home) and have been too drunk to drive i think 6 nights in a row. The sad thing is that i'm really starting to think about when i get old and who will be there, and the answer no one. ryan will probably die young knowing all the shit he subjects himself to. and he doesn't want kids... so no kids to take care of me... or for me to take care of. The kids thing is starting to make me angry and very spiteful. he didn't even once ask my opion on the whole vasectomy thingy... i'm upset. he doesn't notice or care about my feeling only about his. honestly we haven't had sex in a long as time (6 weeks i think) he has all control in the when and where we have sex. I hate it. it bothers me and i'm upset i hate nights like this.

Number 3
I will let it there... at #3

Bad Day take 2
The think that mainly, on top of work and shit, that makes today bad is that Mr NA really must have a hard time showing any affection what so ever (hence his name here) For those that know me... well i'm addicted.. any kind any time i really don't care.
anyways i'm off to bed.

A Nasty day
Today was one of the worst days at work, as of late. I've been running and running around all morning long and now i just can't stop going. I really don't know what to do. my mind is racing a mile a minute, i'm pissed off and really want to go out and do things but i have no gas, and no monies to do anything with. i think i will drink, it's after 3:00pm , and then maybe i'll be calm enough to get back to my book (Harry Potter yeah!) I don't even think i'm calm enough to post, but i'm doing it anyway. I need a vacation. I real vacation where you go out of town, and spend money and eat at places. maybe i'll post more when i've got my head together.

Taken from HomerJ

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Stephanie
Birthday:	1/19/82
Birthplace:	Kirkland, WA
Current Location:	SLC, Utah
Eye Color:	Brown
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	5/6
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	scottish/indian/english... i'm sure there is more
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Flip Flops
Your Weakness:	anything cold (i.e. shave ice, popsicles, ice cream etc)
Your Fears:	running and hiding from things
Your Perfect Pizza:	pep. onion and garlic
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	i don't know if i have any
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	ahh, or anyway
Thoughts First Waking Up:	just 5 more minutes
Your Best Physical Feature:	face
Your Bedtime:	10-11pm
Your Most Missed Memory:	I don't know. I don't think i really miss anything
Pepsi or Coke:	which ever is cheaper at the store
MacDonalds or Burger King:	MacDonalds has good breakfast
Single or Group Dates:	Group
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Neither
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate and Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Swear:	Yes
Do you Sing:	Usually alone
Do you Shower Daily:	Usually
Have you Been in Love:	yes
Do you want to go to College:	i've been, but i do want to go back
Do you want to get Married:	I'm already married, but sometimes i wish i wasn't
Do you belive in yourself:	when i'm not being put down or laughed at
Do you get Motion Sickness:	always
Do you think you are Attractive:	sometimes, Usually not really lately
Are you a Health Freak:	No
Do you get along with your Parents:	My dad more but my mom's okay
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yes. sometimes when they get too close to the house i get scared
Do you play an Instrument:	yes... but it's a few and i'm substandard on all of them
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	last night actually
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	sometimes... i wish... my husband doesn't really date me anymore
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	not this month. I looked at some yesterday tho
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	not dumped just regected
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	not this month
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	usually
Ever been called a Tease:	most of the time
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	no
How do you want to Die:	no
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	i'm what i want to be now.
What country would you most like to Visit:	anywhere in europe
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	blue or brown
Favourite Hair Color:	makes no difference
Short or Long Hair:	short
Height:	5'11 and up
Weight:	anything but skinny guys
Best Clothing Style:	on a boy? kind of messy with jeans and a t-shirt
Number of Drugs I have taken:	2
Number of CDs I own:	not too many about 70-80
Number of Piercings:	just ears
Number of Tattoos:	1
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	there's a lot of things i regret, but i can't change it.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

I made a much needed decision and quit job #2... finally. i have been there since Saturday and i'm sooo happy i don't have to go back :)
in other news granny is getting much better.
the baby kittens we have are going away this next week. and hopefully homerj is finding an apartment.
Married life seems to be doing well at this point. not 100% back to normal, but better that's for sure.
not too many stories today, but maybe some tomorrow. i have the entire day off.

Hopsitals
For the past few days i've been with Mr NA's granny in the hospital. she may/or maynot need another surgery. She needs to get better, she's a nice old lady that makes me feel happy she's around. Anyway i've been there off and on for a few days now i'm starting to really love her, but not really love being there. hopefully she can come home soon.

Relationships
i spent the evening with my aunt jana. she's a trippy, kind of hippy lady and the way she views life is that it's too short to live with the same person. where as my aunt sheli she thinks that you should be in one long relationship and never be in one again. Then there's my dad who is a major difference he still loves my mom eventhough she hate his guts and wants him to die. Where is healthy? obviously none of the above... but where is the line?

July 3rd and 4th
The 3rd was our party it was fun fireworks lasted about 1 and 1/2 hours :)
yesterday did more yard stuff. cleaned a little from the party when to work... helped russ move his stuff to his mom's house, then to the movies.
War of the Worlds.
it was a good action movie, but they left out a bunch of story that just made it confusing until the end. Maybe it was supposed to be that way, but i just found it a mildly pointless movie. It is something to see in the theatre though because of all the fight scenes. I really just didn't like the ending.