ryan and i went and practiced at the roller rink today. it was so frustrating, i just want to get better, but it feels like i'm getting worse. try outs are on the 17th and i really don't think i'm ready. hell i just barely got my skates, but i really want to make the team. i figure worst case they say try again next time. i've been working so hard at it, then ryan starts yelling at me it made me feel worse. then i came home to find atheltic tube socks, it turns out you have to buy a larger size if you weigh more than 150 lbs. jesus that's all i need. do i really have to order socks online too? i like skating and i don't get sick of it, my body just gets tired. i have the drive and the time, i just don't have to skill. i wonder if that's something they can really look past? don't you need to be good at something to join the team? ahhh i'm just frustrated.

ryan is at his friends house and nate it at work. i'm kind of greatful to have to night alone with the tv.

an update
i think all of my christmas shopping is done :) i got everyone really good gifts this year. they are awesome. there is 1 shift of the whole year that i will not work, it's christmas eve. my work is still open regular hours and i will not miss all of my neices and nephews... i love those little buddies :)it's a day i look forward to most of the year (well other than my birthday of coarse, but it's next month so i can wait) i don't take work of for christmas day, new years, easter... etc. i don't really care about those holidays. but seeing all of my family in 1 house and the kids are all so excited that they run around for hours, then are excited to go home because santa comes THAT NIGHT :)i think the 2 older boys know that there is no santa and i guess they all will know in time, but it's christmas. it's a reason to be happy.
ryan, however, hates christmas. he says 'why can't we just be nice all year', i usually resond with 'and if you were nice all year that would be a different story' i'm a big fan of leading my example. i think ryan really hates christmas because of his childhood. (which his mom overcompensates for now a days)
speaking of ryan's mom, she seems to be more depressed than ever. i talked to her on the phone earlier she tries to be strong, but she is going through something i can't even imagine. i try to talk to ryan about it and he just pushes away. thank god my friend let me borrow the best book in the world :) Thanks Debbie

a christmas tree

on sunday we had to kill sometime so we went to homedepot..... i guess i need to start this with, ryan hates christmas, christmas trees, christmas presents, going to families houses, pretty much anything to do with christmas. every year he hates going down to the basement and getting the christmas tree and last year we even had a really stupid fake tree my friend let me borrow. so we are killing time at homedepot and ryan lets me get a little 4 foot tree that fits on top of our kitchen table. not only did he concent to me buying a tree, he used a gift certificate he got for his birthday. he is a nice guy after all

a so far uneventful day
i went to work this morning. i came home and cleaned up a bit and washed my bedding. now i'm watching battlestar galactica and waiting until i have to go back to work. i do love watching this show.
tonight we have dinner with my brother. it's always fun :)

my skates are coming :) ryan ordered them and they are coming. i'm so excited. the weather has been so good lately every afternoon i catch myself saying it would be a nice day to skate :)