for swhile now i've been feeling bummed out. then on friday last week something happened. now i'm happy and content. things are going well..... :)

i think i have bottomed out. i had today off of work. and my favorite dog in the kennel is really sick. the doctor is out of the office so i went into work, checked on charlie and called the client. and for some reason, i couldn't get the right words out then started crying. i don't cry at work, let alone when i'm talking to clients.

i just can't get things together. now i'm sitting at homw watching stupied news. i just want to get back in my pajamas and go back to bed. i don't want to handle this kind of stress anymore. :(

my dad being manipulative and controlling

on friday at about 5:30 pm my dad calls and says my other brother is in UNI and that time he says 'the doctors are doing everything they can, but he shouldn't have to many visitors' so i'm upset... but not too bad.* went next door to see my dr neighbor who works in the building. she said go and visit, so i called my dad back. he says 'i don't think it's best i won't give you the code' then i get upset and worried and start asking my dad lots and lots of questions he then tells my that my brother is having seizures (which he's not) and he doesn't even know what a piece of paper is (which he does. he knows the date, his responsibilities and his family).

so now i panic. about 1 hour later my mom calls and says he can hold a conversation and gave me the code to go visit. not 5 minutes after she calls my dad calls and says he's doing much better (because my mom went and had the right story not the bogus version that my dad had) I AM SOOOO ANGRY! this is the first time that i have stood up to my dad and said you are trying to control the situation and lying to get people on your side and i will fight ever step of the way to get the right story.

on saturday i went and visited. my brother looked skinny and out of touch. i kept telling him that he's not there just because he is sad, he is in a hospital because he needs medicine. and because he didn't eat the state is making him stay until friday. i get the authorization to call in talk to the doctors/nurses and see how he is doing. (this is the hardest thing i have ever done. he didn't want to do it. my dad just smiled, then thought about it and said '2 minds are better than 1' and my brother signed the form. at that time my mom and my sister came to visit and i was so greatful. all i wanted to do was cry.)**

i cried all the way home. i snuggled on the couch with ryan. the my dr neighbor came over. and we talked through things. she then got us all out of the house and we went to roller derby.

the game went slowly and i was confused most of the match. at least my friend was there to listen to everything. :)


*i was the last person to find out. you don't call the one person in the family that understands the terminology. he knew my roommate is a nurse at the u, and my neighbor is a psychiatrist.
**you can't have the most dramatic person in the family with the only right to check in on my brother. my dad will turn a molehill into a mountain with a 10 minute conversation. what i still need to tell my dad is that i let the dr know that we aren't on speaking terms and if she can reiterate everything to me again.