today went alright. i can't help but keep thinking that my husband would be better off with out me. it makes me sad, but i'm trying to stay optimistic. i love my husband i really do. i just need him to love me too. i look at my husband and i think that he is wonderful. Then he looks back at me with disugst. everytime this happens i smile and pretend i didn't see it.
i'm reminded of a song "so this is odd -the painful relization that all has gone wrong - and nobody cares at all.... -So this is strange - our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance - where nobody leads at all... -Well you'd like to think that you were invincible - Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time? - Well this is the last time. "
oh and another song by the same band "Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring and I'm thinking awful things and I'm pretty sure that few would notice. And this apartment is starving for an argument. Anything at all to break the silence. Wandering the house like I've never wanted out and this is about as social as I get now. And I'm throwing away the letters that I am writing you 'cause they would never do, I would never do."