Todays song
A Long December - Counting Crows
A long December, and there's reason to beleive
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast
And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I can be forgiven....I wish you would
The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that its all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...I think you should
Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And its been a long December, and there's reason to beleive
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean..I guess I should.


I fell as though nothing has changed in my life. Like i'm out of school for the summer when i was in middle school, that i can't remember what happened last year or the year before. Yet massive things have happened. My heart was broken time and again, i've been happy, and god knows i've been sad... yet it's hard to remember. My memory seems to block it well.
I was going through my journal from this time last year and i was depressed to say the least Chris and i had broken up (with this has a secret attached, which i can't mention), the seperation of my parents had just set in, days later a friend would die and my life would be a constant reminder of Jed falling and leaving me to deal with things on my own. (it's just been past 2 years and i can finally talk about that without crying) The music was slow and sad and life seemed to have stopped in that state. Yah i would date others and develop new relations with friends, but than my heart would get broken and i would be back in this depressing state.
But now i'm not depressed.
I'm in love.
And am in love with the same man that i will be for the rest of my life.
A man that makes my days better, that makes a smile grow, that makes my heart swell with happiness.
As for today... well it sucked, but it didn't effect me as much as it should have. Last year at this time it would have lead me to tears. But today i came home, to this apartment. An apratment that is mine.
It's a healthy state that i'm in. This year has been better than last year. My life is on the up and up and i have been to stuburn to notice.
Why can i not remember yesterday? why does it take noticing what i had a year ago and what i have now to make me compare? can't i just know that my life is better? That i am happy, stronger, more comfident, able to fail!

MY LIFE IS BETTER, MY LOVE IS BETTER, MY WILL TO LIVE IS BETTER.

things are looking up.