Last night was good in some ways but totally shitty in another. James came over last night, when he went home i gave him his sweatshirts back... well he called around 12 and asked if there was any hidden meaning behind it. I strictly just said that i don't deserve them... that i talk to his answering machine more than him... that when i'm around him i don't feel like i will ever be good enough for him. We talked for about an hour.. which was good. he realized that he is treating me poorly (which i guess is half of the battle) but i'm not saying that i'm leaving it up to him to make the next move, because i'm not. I know that in order for this to even work he needs to understand what i've been going through. That my whole life is falling apart and he is almost making it worse. So when he left i cried.... cried long and hard... it was the only emotion... and now i can't really do anything else except hope that something good would come from this.