Guilty
blameworthy, reprehensible, ashamed

I guess it's just one of those things. I mean we aren't in a relationship and well for some reason it appears as though we are. Neither of us are technically dating other people. And it feels as though we are in a relationship. With those that i've talked to, the fact that he doesn't want to hang out with me and his friends at the same time. He says that "He doesn't feel comfortable being himself around me" WTF is that supposed to mean. I mean if i were a normal person i should take a high offense to that, and the fact that i want to take the blame just pisses him off. He want's to be the reason at fault and well i think it's deffinately mine. I feel like i force him into things... i force him into conversations... i force him to be with me. It's the fact that I think he's creating time for me, and if this is the case i don't want to be made time for. I need attension, and well i like touch.. if this is any indication to the type of person that i am and if you think that we are just not right for each other email (smiliesteph@hotmail.com) I've tried to give him space, and well... he's depressed and how can i fix it. I want to make it so that everything that hurts him, hurts me instead. for i can handle pain for him if it would help. The sad thing is that this depression come with most guys that date me, i don't fucking understand it. They feel as though they have to change for me, and i don't want that. I hate that people know that they are doing that to make the other person happy. And i understand, i think, that everyone does this to an extent but it's not a thing that people notice. It's not something that friends come up and say "You are not as happy as you used to be" and there is only one thing that has changed in there lives was dating me... was having feeling for me. And if James "love me like one of his friends" he will never truely love me. And thus is the reason why i feel kind of used... the sad thing is that James thinks he's doing it too.

UGH!

I starting to think that i'm just fucked up, as far as relationships go. I need to talk to someone... someone who either has been in a relationship were this has happened, as did the same thing and knows how to fix it.