Alright it's finally time to admit all these things that i'm thinking about... toward one person, the person that i always say as 'he' or 'us' things along those lines... James...
James is definitely different than most. He also is a giver which is a plus. He understands what i want and even though he can't give it all to me he still tries to give some. He is a nice guy who is just well rounded in a lot of areas. (this taken from an email i wrote this weekend) I'm sure for some reason i could go off for hours on James... I have not given everything i know to him. Even though it would be very easy to fall into this trap. Because he is a good person, who holds a conversation well, who usually understands were i'm coming from. We do get into some messy situations involving mixed feelings toward each other. I wish that i understood that more. But i guess that's just the way things have to work. I admit that when i'm not with him i want to be with him... i find myself missing him from time to time, and wanting him to just lay with me... to hold my hand... to listen to my stories... I find myself falling in love with him again and again... and for some reason i can't tell him about this. James was just sitting next to me out side last night and well i wanted to just tell him then. He kept asking what i was thinking about and for the life of me i couldn't tell him... god knows i tried... but only the word 'nothing' could come out. I admit that this feeling is all at my end... and well i'm alright with that (almost.. i've never been in love with someone and had nothing in return) i know that he cares about me... about my feelings. I just wish this were easier...